i'm under depression.. again.


why do i keep having bad luck? maybe its called, karma. i'm having my own retribution.. yes. i'm a bitch, a fucking liar, a whore. curse me, may i be gone soon. why cant i be like other kids? i look like a normal kid. but, why cant i just be like them? i'm going bonkers soon. the first week of school has just ended. and.. my troubles are starting to surface up again. its like a daily routine.. for a year or so. nobody ever listens to me anymore. talk behind my back for all you want you miserable people, i dont really fricking care. i cant do anything right.. crap. how stupid can i get? she told me what you felt after hearing my tone yesterday. sorry.. please dont let this thing get to you that much. my little piece of heaven suddenly turns dark. and its only the beginning of year 2006. i wanna end this fucking life..


those shoutings, yellings, screamings, constantly repeating itself in my mind. throbbing in my head. i've tried many ways to stop it, but i failed. dark clouds hoved around the white, cheery, puffy clouds. it resembles like my life, which was once like a heaven, but its hell to me now. the night came, thunder filled with angst yelled out. the eye-shattering lightning flashed endlessly. negative thoughs engulfed my mind, controlling me to do things which i detests. fighting that moment, i'm helplessly dangling on a piece of string. sometimes i wished that i could just fall. after ending my life, i might not feel that hurtful and miserable on the inside. who knows? i might be in heaven..